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How Long Should You Date Before Getting Married? The Real Answer Nobody Talks About

How Long Should You Date Before Getting Married? The Real Answer Nobody Talks About

I’m gonna be straight with you—there’s no magic number when it comes to how long you should date before getting married.

I know that’s probably not what you wanted to hear.

You’re sitting there wondering if two years is enough, or if you need five, or maybe you’re worried because you’ve only been together for 6 months but it feels so right.

Trust me, I get it.

The pressure is real, especially when everyone around you seems to be getting engaged left and right.

But here’s what actually matters, backed up by real data and relationship experts who’ve studied this stuff for years.

And yeah, I’ll give you some solid numbers to work with too.

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What the Numbers Actually Say About Dating Before Marriage

So let me throw some stats at you first because context matters.

According to The Knot’s 2024 study of nearly 8,000 recently engaged couples, here’s the breakdown:

  • 30% of couples date for two years or less before getting engaged
  • 53% of couples date for two to five years
  • 17% of couples date for six or more years

The national average sits right around 30.3 months—that’s just over 2.5 years if you’re doing the math.

But here’s the thing that nobody tells you.

Those couples who dated for 6 months before engagement?

Some of them are living their best married lives.

And those couples who waited 7 years?

Yeah, some of them ended up divorced within two years.

Time alone doesn’t guarantee anything.

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The Minimum Timeline Experts Actually Recommend

Okay so if you’re looking for some kind of baseline, relationship experts do have opinions.

The 90-Day Rule

Dr. John Van Epp (who literally wrote the book “How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk”) suggests a minimum 90-day period before moving to the next relationship stage.

Why 90 days?

Because that’s about how long it takes for someone’s real patterns to show up.

You know what I mean—those first few weeks when everyone’s on their best behavior.

It takes about three months for the mask to slip a little and for you to see who they really are on a Tuesday morning when they’re tired and stressed.

The One-Year Standard

Other experts recommend at least a full year of dating.

Harry Benson from the Marriage Foundation in the U.K. makes a good point here.

A calendar year means you experience:

  • All the major holidays together
  • Each other’s birthdays
  • Family events and dynamics
  • Different seasons and moods
  • How they handle stress during different times of year

You get to see how they treat their mom at Thanksgiving or how they act when work gets crazy in December.

That stuff matters way more than people realize.

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What Actually Matters More Than Just Time

Here’s where it gets real though.

It’s not about counting days on a calendar.

It’s about hitting certain checkpoints that show you’re actually ready to build a life together.

Dating coach Amy Nobile says couples should be able to answer these four questions by the third date or within the first three months:

1. Is There Genuine Chemistry or Connection?

And I don’t just mean physical attraction (though that matters too).

I’m talking about that feeling when conversation flows naturally.

When you actually want to hear about their day.

When their weird sense of humor makes sense to you.

If you’re forcing it or trying to convince yourself the connection is there, that’s a red flag.

2. Are You Aligned on Core Values?

This is huge and so many people skip over it because they’re caught up in the romance.

Core values means:

  • Views on religion or spirituality
  • Political beliefs that actually affect how you live
  • Money philosophy (are they a saver or a spender?)
  • Career ambitions and work-life balance
  • Whether you want kids or not
  • How you define family and loyalty

You don’t have to agree on everything.

But the big stuff? Yeah, you need to be on the same page or at least respect each other’s views without resentment.

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3. Is Your Partner Emotionally Mature and Available?

This one trips people up all the time.

Emotional maturity means they can:

  • Handle conflict without shutting down or blowing up
  • Take responsibility for their mistakes
  • Communicate their needs clearly
  • Support you when you’re struggling
  • Manage their own emotions without making them your problem

And emotionally available?

That means they’re not still hung up on their ex.

They’re not so buried in work or other commitments that there’s no room for you.

They’re present, engaged, and invested in building something real.

4. Are They Ready for the Same Next Step You Are?

Nothing’s worse than being at different places in the relationship.

If you’re thinking marriage and they’re thinking “let’s just see where this goes,” that’s gonna cause problems.

You both need to want the same timeline and level of commitment.

Not because you pressured them into it, but because they genuinely want it too.

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The Honeymoon Phase Will Mess With Your Head

Let’s talk about something that doesn’t get enough attention.

The honeymoon phase is real and it can last anywhere from a few days to two full years.

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